Today had been like any other normal day, perhaps quite sluggish for me, but nevertheless good enough to boost my cognitive abilities. Alhamdulillah (All Praises to the God). I was reclining on the headboard of my bed and trying with all my might to grasp whatever was written in the psychology text. I finally did, and there he was in all his glory, Carl Rogers, putting up his humanistic theory. He stated that the narrower the discrepancies are between the ideal self and the current state of one’s ‘self’, lower are the chances for one to feel unhappy.
It did strike a chord. Or perhaps pushed a few buttons on the brain.
The humanistic theory happens to be my favorite, leaving to rest the other negative factors involved in it. I love the way how it focuses on ‘self’ and gives humans a higher purpose to live by. But however, this also evoked me to reflect on the current state of us, humans. I mean, look around you. Isn’t it quite horrifying to know that so many people around us just do not like the way they live, or who they are? The root cause may be different for all, but many of us are extremely sad people because we have got large discrepancies between our current ‘self’ and the ideal’self’. We are simply not happy with the person we are at the moment. And it is alright! It is good for you to not settle, but is it okay for you to despair over the person you are?
If at all, you do despair, what do you plan to do to make yourself feel better? Many of us are stuck at this point, we simply do not know where to begin! But let me break it down to you, distressing over the person you are isn’t going to help. What would really help you to feel alright with you are is to accept. At any point of time, the only thing that would make you feel better about everything is to embrace the quality of acceptance.
Is life taking you to this cranky road where heaps of rubble are the only thing you see? Accept that it is what it is and that you (yes YOU) can make it so much better. Caught a cold this morning? Accept that you are sick, and there are certain things you can and can’t do at this point. Despairing how you can’t gobble two buckets of ice cream at this moment won’t just help you at all.
I recently moved to a different city after my family and I had lived in the former city for decades. It was hard, extremely hard since we did not have a choice. Everyone took it quite harshly too, as we couldn’t actually accept that it was happening. Now many of us were constantly complaining how none of this whole thing is alright, but once we learned to accept that this is what is happening and we have to live with it, things became easier. We no longer were in denial, we accepted that it was painful, but also believed that change is inevitable. If things are horrible, don’t be in denial and think of those days when things were brighter and how you could NEVER go back to it.
What you need to do, now that things are horrible are:
- Accept that things are not good at the moment, know that this is happening. Live in the moment! This needs to be stressed, ‘live in the moment’ mantra is often emphasized when one needs to feel happy and blissful. But no, it is extremely important to live right there when things aren’t going fine. Don’t dwell in the past.
- Accept that YOU have got this! You can make it all better. Believing in God motivates me to pray harder for what I want. But also, it pushes me to work to make it all better. You have got the power in you to change how you feel about it. Someone whom you love has left you all alone? Believe in yourself, you are more than the person’s friend or lover. You are a separate being with the entire universe within you. Have hope, look forward to a day when everything will be alright only when you are willing to work for it. Know that you can be that awesome person you wanted to be without them by your side too!
- Accept that it all takes work. Now here is the thing. If you want something, you need to know that without efforts, nothing is going to work out. It is all hard work, but the reward of it as compared to the efforts are sublime! It takes work to be content, and you need to know this.
- Listen to your heart and your mind. Don’t ignore either of them. Rationalize your feelings. Synchronize the efforts of the two. Accept that it takes two to do great things, even when it concerns your inner-self.
- Know that, right at this moment, you can choose to be happy. Nothing stops you from being content with what you have. Yes, it is painful. It might be terrible too. Accept that it is okay to feel sadness. It is an emotion that is needed. It is just not okay to whine and cry for years and months over things that weren’t in your control. Things happen, you are not the one to be blamed all the time. You need to step up the game if at all you fall into the darkened pit. Because you are stronger than anyone else who can pick you up!
- Accept help! When people offer to help you, let them in. Just be careful to not leave the entirety of happiness in their hands. They are merely humans. Be content with thyself, while cherishing them. But don’t let go of that part of your heart that should only belong to God. That place is special, and any mortal can destroy it if given to them.
So that is about it. Going through a few things, the only thing that made me feel better was to accept things for what it is and to thank God for all that I have. Hope that helps you too! Would love to hear from you, why don’t you let me know your thoughts on this? Also, how do you cope up with discrepancies and stressful situations?
Mindeart 